I re-read one of my favorite books I have read and I thought it would be fun to do a hidden chapter, this was written as like a flashback thinking about the day of his dead brothers funeral. I tried to write in in the style of J.D Salinger. It was really fun, I may do another one, suggestions would be great.

I got off my lousy ass, it was the day I was dreading, the funeral. I had to wear this lousy suit and meet some phony people. Today is not what I want, I obviously miss Allie but I don’t want to see people who really didn’t know her like I did. Goddamn I miss him, I miss his fiery red hair, I miss his genuine acts of kindness, not like people like now being kind to gain something from someone, that really annoys me, and I hate phony people.

When I was getting ready my family were waiting, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I knew people would want to talk to me, it was just a matter of time before D.B came upstairs he sat on my bed with tears down his eyes, that killed me but I did not want to show any emotion, well I would but I don’t think I can show any, it was hard to digest that he died.

‘I know you loved her more than anyone else, but she will always be looking down on you’ D.B said in a quiet voice. I hated what he said it was so corny, and I don’t think he will be watching down me, I just don’t believe that, it seems bogus. I didn’t reply I just sort of nodded a bit and looked through the mirror to give him a bit of eye contact to know I acknowledged him. He was full on crying, my heart dropped, I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to walk out of the room but that would be rude wouldn’t it?, I couldn’t handle , I just walked out I felt kinda sorry but I needed time alone.

So I was ready and after that awkward exchange with my older brother D.B. I really wasn’t looking forward to the funeral, but then again who looks forward to these things. But anyways I was  in the car going to the funeral looking outside everything and everyone seemed more annoying, like everyone on the street were looking more phony and fake than ever. I was thinking no one can be like Allie, he was amazing. It was cramped in the car we had to get a lot of people to go there my Mum and Dad went in another car because they were particularly upset, I know that Allie was their favorite child I don’t blame them.

My auntie was sitting there staring at me, right at my face ‘Holden, how are you doing’ she said in a stern voice, she was one of those relatives that said it how it is and she sometimes seemed cold hearted, I like that though. ‘I am ok I guess, just trying not to think about it’, in my head I was thinking what kind of question is that; I knew she was trying to make conversation but really? ‘Well if you need any…advice or anything then I am here’.                                                                                               ‘I think it will be ok’. And that was that. We sat in the car for the remainder of the journey in silence.

We were in the church and I sat down at the front, I was looking round it was a big turnout, but then again it was Allie, so I was not too surprised, I saw Old Mary Hive, our next door neighbor, she was a very old fragile lady, I didn’t like to talk to her because it felt like if I talked too loud she would fall over, she seemed that fragile, she knew Allie well enough to be here unlike others like Mr. Martini who lived opposite me, he was a very snobby man, he worked as a business man for some phony business agency, I don’t know exactly what he does but I should know he was one of those guys that always bragged but of course I never listened to him, he is so full of himself it makes me sick.

The service started and every emotion I have been hiding finally comes out, I start crying uncontrollably and that makes D.B Phoebe and my mum and dad cry to, I could not stop crying, the realization final hit me, I didn’t want life without Allie, he was one of those positives in life.

I couldn’t control it I had to get out of here, everything become hot I felt dizzy I got up and left for the door. My mum grabbed my hand and I looked at her and I said ‘Leave me alone, I just want to be alone for once’ I do admit it was pretty loud but I couldn’t help it I needed some space. I walked outside and grabbed a cigarette from my pocket and lit it up and I looked at it, Allie wouldn’t approve of this. I threw it on the floor and stamped it out aggressively, I didn’t know what to do. Some kid came out and looked at me, he was about two years younger than me, he starts talking to me, everything he said was absolutely bullshit, it winded me up so much and wanted to punch him on the nose maybe then he would stop talking. I did it, he started bleeding uncontrollably he screamed and looked at the blood. He collapsed to the floor, I freaked out, I wanted to hit him but not that hard, ‘shit’ I said out loud. I got scared and I ran home, from then on out my life has been grey, nothing positive events in my life made me smile, except of course thinking about Allie.